


bones are safe

by hansoom



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-03
Updated: 2017-12-03
Packaged: 2019-02-10 02:13:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12901761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hansoom/pseuds/hansoom
Summary: In the morning, Seulgi's elbow brushes up against her own and sends a warm shock down her arm. Seungwan blinks, twice, and continues brushing when Seulgi spits into the basin.





	bones are safe

//  
  
In the morning, Seulgi's elbow brushes up against her own and sends a warm shock down her arm. Seungwan blinks, twice, and continues brushing when Seulgi spits into the basin.  
  
Seungwan had taken it as a given for a while, but they've been flying all over for showcases and award shows the past month, and today's the first time in 23 days that they've woken up with each other.  
  
Seungwan had gotten up earlier, when sunlight had bled through the gap in their curtains. When she turned, putting weight onto her left arm, Seulgi was still fast asleep, her mouth hanging half-open, features gentle under the warm light. Seungwan looked at her shapeless bangs and traces of blue eyeliner she'd half-heartedly scrubbed from her eyes - and then shades of deep brown: Seulgi staring back at her.  
  
"Ah," Seungwan had gasped, inching backwards, pulling the sheets back with her. "Sorry."  
  
Seulgi's hands find Seungwan's under the sheets, halting her retreat. "For what?"  
  
Seulgi has the most beautiful smile Seungwan's ever seen. _Staring_ , she wants to say. _For my heart -_  
  
"Morning breath," she jabs, instead, making a show of covering her mouth with her hand and throwing the covers off her legs.  
  
"You know I don't-"  
  
"Mind, yes," Seungwan says, feeling her face heating up. She turns her face away as Seulgi pulls her sleeves up to her elbows. "I know."  
  
  
  
//  
  
Technically speaking, Seungwan met Seulgi while she was growing out of being a teenager. She'd been twenty for a while but not at all, trapped between two countries and lives.  
  
Seulgi only spoke Korean, but she'd heard about Seungwan before they'd met and addressed her as _Wendy-ssi_ , said _hello_ in English and smiled like they were old friends. Seulgi's eyebrows were unkempt that day, but Seungwan never said anything. She was just - happy. _Seulgi-ssi_ , she'd said, and Seulgi had laughed kindly even though there was nothing particularly humorous. _Let's be friends_.  
  
  
  
//  
  
Seungwan knows there's a history to Seulgi that she'll never quite understand. Only Joohyun-unnie and Yerim will ever come close to knowing it, and sometimes Seungwan finds it difficult to be content.  
  
There are the jokes that go over her and Sooyoung's heads - Sooyoung is the one to be indignant about it, and they make them less and less now, but Seungwan never knows what to say. The laugh that Seulgi reserves for them is different too - familiar and warm all at once, like light is flooding through her veins.  
  
Seulgi figures it out on a Wednesday, where Seungwan had stormed back to their room early after another remark about watching the movie during their trainee days. It was petty of her, surely, but she doesn't know how to suppress everything all the time - especially not with Seulgi.  
  
Seulgi follows minutes later, closing the door behind her and settling beside Seungwan on the sheets. She brings a hand up to Seungwan's cheek, where it hovers, unsure. Seungwan fights back tears, feeling more and more immature by the second. She hates that she's this way, and hates that this is all she can give and all she can take.  
  
"What's wrong?" Seulgi's voice is soft. She sounds - upset, tired from their schedules.  
  
"Nothing - it's -"  
  
"It's clearly not nothing if it's making you so upset," Seulgi insists, and Seungwan doesn't know what to say.  
  
"It -" It comes out as a half-sob, and Seungwan is so _silly, silly, silly_ -  
  
When she looks up, the older girl is staring at her carefully, her hands pillowed right beside Seungwan's on the sheets.  
  
"I never got to experience your trainee years with you," she says, finally. "And when you talk about it, it's like - I feel -"  
  
"Like?"  
  
"Like an outsider," she says, finally, and it's cathartic to let it out. When she looks back up, Seulgi is wearing an exasperated smile. They've talked about this before, about Seungwan moving from country to country, on the outside looking in.  
  
"Should we not talk about it then?"  
  
"No -" Seungwan can feel the red creeping up her neck, the words coming up short in her throat. "It's - silly -"  
  
"It's not," Seulgi says, and her hands find Seungwan's then, resting gently on them. "I would be upset too. But -"  
  
Seulgi's eyes are warm, and sincere, and genuine, and everything Seungwan has always wanted. Seungwan holds her breath.  
  
"I wouldn't have wanted you to suffer like that," Seulgi says. When she leans in, Seungwan feels the breath leave her lungs. "And we have the rest of our lives to learn about each other."  
  
  
  
//  
  
When _Dumb Dumb_ promotions started, they fought because Seulgi didn't know when to stop.  
  
Seungwan was content with talking about the Obama award everywhere she went because people seemed to be impressed by it, but Seulgi interspersed it every two sentences, when Seungwan couldn't understand something quickly enough, when Seungwan had to think twice to figure out how to get in the sliding door in a new building.  
  
She'd let loose at Seulgi somewhere between hair and makeup and their stage at Inkigayo, and Seulgi had fallen silent, mouth shaping into an "O".  
  
"Seungwan," she'd tried, after they'd stumbled off the stage and Seungwan had put on the pants that didn't show off her entire thighs.  
  
Seungwan ignored her.  
  
"Seungwannie," Seulgi tried, her fingers resting on Seungwan's elbow.  
  
It had always been like that: the petty explosions and the unwarranted anger, but Seulgi had always been a better person than Seungwan, so she shook the older girl's hand off and headed for the van.  
  
This is what Seungwan learned about Seulgi:  
  
For Seungwan, she'd wake up earlier than she ever had to buy pancakes home. There was a smiley face printed on Seungwan's when she'd gotten out of bed. The living room was still dark, and Seulgi was struggling with the chocolate sauce dispenser.  
  
"Yah," Seungwan had said, tamping down the tears that were welling up. "Silly girl."  
  
  
  
//  
  
Seungwan gets the call in the middle of a movie. It's on HBO and she can't pause it, but the call is from Seulgi's dad and she can't ignore it either. She turns off the TV and presses _accept_.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Were you watching TV?" Seulgi's voice is tinny but unmistakeably hers, and Seungwan can't help the laugh she lets out.  
  
"Are you spying on me?"  
  
"I just know you well," Seulgi quips back.  
  
"Like how you knew I would have ignored your call?"  
  
"Maybe," Seulgi says, sounding sheepish.  
  
"Did you leave something at the dorm? I can bring it out for you if you -"  
  
"No, it's just -" Seulgi laughs at something her dad says in the background, and Seungwan can imagine it: a cafe, a warm cup of tea. Their family, complete. "Go look out the window."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Trust me."  
  
Seungwan pulls herself off the couch and pads out to where the window is, pulling back the curtains. Outside-  
  
"Snow," she breathes. Snow looks the same everywhere, in America, in Canada, in Korea. But this is the fourth one she's seen here, the most she's seen since she was thirteen.  
  
Seulgi lets out a delighted laugh on the other side of the line. "Happy first snowfall, Seungwan-ah."  
  
"Yah," Seungwan teases, "you know what they say about first snowfalls, right?"  
  
Seulgi is silent on the other side of the line. Seungwan worries, somehow, that she's overstepped the boundaries, but she presses her ear harder to the earpiece and hears a chorus of laughter in the background. Seulgi has probably been distracted.  
  
"You didn't think I was serious -" she starts, and stops.  
  
"I do," Seulgi's voice comes, loud and sharp. There's a pause, and another chorus of laughter, much further away than it had sounded before. "I do know," Seulgi says.  
  
Seungwan lets the air hang between them before chortling. It's loud and unnatural, but it works - Seulgi laughs along too, and if it sounds hollow to Seungwan's ears, it's because she's been letting her imagination get to her more and more recently.  
  
"Ah, then love will blossom even more in your family..." Seungwan says, and Seulgi _mmhms_ through the phone, laughing that same laugh.  
  
She folds up her dreams.  
  
  
  
//  
  
Seungwan knows Seulgi doesn't love her.  
  
Seulgi has loved one boy before. His name was Taehyun, and he had a nice smile, and he was kind, like Seungwan, but it didn't work out because he left the company and moved back to Busan. He was a good kisser, Seulgi volunteers, without Seungwan asking. She cringes, hitting Seulgi on the shoulder.  
  
"He must be an engineer now," Seulgi muses, warming her hands around her cup of hot chocolate. _Fight My Way_ is playing on her laptop screen.  
  
Her latest fictional crush is a little bumbling fighter with a good heart. Seungwan is fond of him too, even if not in the same way.  
  
"Kim Jiwon is really pretty," Seungwan comments off-handedly. She's on-screen now, carrying one of the emotional scenes. Seulgi turns to stare at her, and a small smile grows on her face.  
  
"You're prettier," Seulgi tells her, and Seungwan rolls her eyes.  
  
"I mean it," Seulgi says again, so serious that Seungwan can only laugh.  
  
"Okay," Seungwan placates, laughing. "Whatever you say."  
  
  
  
//  
  
Seungwan realized it at a concert.  
  
Seulgi bought them a bunch of lightsticks and was waving them in the air excitedly as the curtains closed to prepare for the finale. They'd loved Park Hyoshin for a long time, and to get to listen to him live was magical. Seungwan had no idea how Joohyun wrangled them tickets to the seating area, but she was so incredibly thankful.  
  
When the first notes of the song hit, Seulgi turned to the younger girl and smiles. It's was a brilliant one, the same one from when they first met.  
  
 _Let's be friends_.  
  
"It's our song," Seulgi tells her leaning in, her breath catching on Seungwan's ear. There was a moment it hit, like a downpour, and burrowed deep into Seungwan's gut.  
  
"It is," Seungwan said, and she hid her shaking hands.  
  
  
  
//  
  
Seungwan hasn't seen Seulgi angry often. She gets upset sometimes, at rude people and unkind things, but that was the extent of it.  
  
Today Seulgi storms through the room and throws her phone onto the sheets, settling down in one of their armchairs and staring resolutely at the wall.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"It's not nothing."  
  
"It's _nothing_."  
  
"Seulgi -"  
  
"Did you know that -" Seulgi says, stuttering to a halt. Her eyes are dark as she goes back to crossing her arms and staring at the wall.  
  
"What?"  
  
"My dad called today," Seulgi says, abruptly.  
  
"Mmhm..."  
  
"He told me he watched our new _Red Flavour_ stage, and you looked really pretty but tired."  
  
Seungwan smiles. She has always been thankful. "Mmhm?"  
  
"Since I've met you," Seulgi says, "all you've ever done is think of other people. On what to eat, and what to wear, and what to say -"  
  
"That's not true -"  
  
"It is, and you -" Seulgi presses her lips together.  
  
"And I what?"  
  
"I wish you would stop for a while," Seulgi says, looking at Seungwan for the first time since she's entered the room.  
  
Seungwan thinks of the times she's hung back to be with Seulgi, the times she's held back on helping so she could go home earlier to find the older girl there, the times she's screwed things up thinking about Seulgi.  
  
"I do."  
  
  
  
//  
  
On the last day of December, Seungwan falls ill.  
  
She'd run out to buy heat packs in the middle of the night with one of their managers because their stash had fallen out of the car boot somewhere on their way back from the music show, and Joohyun-unnie was about the pass out from the cold.  
  
Now she's sitting in bed, running a fever, and Seulgi is holding her hand.  
  
"We should separate the beds," Seungwan tells her. Seulgi's features are blurry when she opens her eyes - the medicine hasn't kicked in yet, and Seulgi keeps pressing her hand to Seungwan's head to check.  
  
"Don't be silly."  
  
"I'm not being silly," Seungwan retorts. "We have a schedule tomorrow."  
  
"And you have a fever," Seulgi states.  
  
She's always been so stubborn.  
  
"Fine, but just - wear a mask or something."  
  
As Seulgi retrieves one from the drawer, Seungwan traces the outline of her frame. Seulgi has been going for a lot more dance classes outside lately, and she looks even smaller, somehow.  
  
Seungwan's vision blurs again, and her eyelids flutter closed.  
  
Seulgi is still holding her hand.  
  
  
  
  
//  
  
When Seungwan turned 21, they held a party for her. They already had a group - it didn't have a name yet, but there were spots and they were in them. Still, more people than Seungwan had expected came to celebrate. Jongin ate most of the cake, and Seulgi had slapped him on the arm.  
  
After that, Seulgi had brought Seungwan to the rooftop.  
  
Her hair was in a ponytail then, tied simply and neatly. A few of her baby hairs were plastered to her forehead from sweat, a bit of whipped cream still smeared on the corner of her mouth.  
  
"It's your first birthday here," Seulgi said. Her gaze was warm and already famililar, washing over Seungwan like a flood.  
  
"I -" she said, and Seungwan could see her eyes, glossy under the dim light. "I hope we can celebrate many more together."  
  
  
  
  
//  
  
Seulgi kisses her on a Wednesday.  
  
There are fireworks outside hailing in the new year, and they're in the bathroom backstage after their performance. Seungwan is still woozy from the fever, and Seulgi is pumped up on adrenaline when she pulls her in.  
  
"I -" Seungwan says, and stops. Time pauses, just like that, and her vision blurs into technicolour. When she comes back from it, Seulgi is looking somewhere behind her, gaze canted away from her face.  
  
"I gave myself a new years' resolution," Seulgi tells her, eyes darting up to meet Seungwan's before faltering again. Her fists are tucked neatly against her sides.  
  
Seungwan eases Seulgi's gaze chin back up gently to meet her gaze. Her hand, surprising herself, doesn't shake.  
  
"How long?"  
  
"I - " Seulgi stutters. "I don't know."  
  
 _It feels like I loved you before I met you,_ Seungwan wants to tell her, but nothing comes out. _It feels like, it feels like -_  
  
"Okay," Seungwan says instead, and kisses her again.  
  


**Author's Note:**

> i really find them the most incredibly difficult pair to write so this was an exercise of sorts, entirely unedited.


End file.
